They say I can’t. They say I will fail. They say I’m wrong. They say I have to do it this way. They, they, they. Who are they? How do they know all this?
I coach people. I help them improve their communication and develop good conflict management or resolution skills. Yes, there is a difference. There is some conflict that you cannot resolve. When you are in conflict with someone who wants to control you and is acting in bad faith, you can only manage that conflict. For the most part, you will only be able to manage the way you respond to the conflict. While there may be instances where the other person will be agreeable to a compromise, in most situations when you have to deal with hurt or angry people, there is no middle ground to be found. Sometimes, when it cannot be resolved in a healthy way, you are best off learning to disengage from it.
In the coaching work I do, I share stories of those who have succeeded in similar situations and help you consider different paths or options that could be effective in your unique situation. The decision about what path you choose is up to you because you are the one who has to live with the choices you make. Every individual and every situation is different. You may choose a different path than the one I would choose, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t made the right decision for you. There are many different factors that one must consider in an order to make a decision, but coaching helps you have someone to help sort through the issue at hand. When it comes to dealing with difficult people, it can be hard to find someone who has been done that road and offer experience that you can draw on.
Sometimes, clients say, “They say I can’t…” or, “They won’t let me…”. “They” can sometimes be a prison of your own mind that you hold the key to. More often than not, the door of our prison is already open. You simply have to walk through the door of truth, come out into the open, see the world for what it really is and expand your thinking. By doing so, you will expand your joy, your peace, your life and your relationships.
Let go of “they”. While “they may be a part of your story and you may need to consider the way in which your actions affect their relationship with you, “they” are not your decision makers. Learn to trust in you and find the path that you want to walk. God will help, too.
As the Jem song Lyrics go:
“Who made up all the rules?
We follow them like fools
Believe them to be true
Don’t care to think them through”
Who rules you?
“And it’s ironic too
‘Cause what we tend to do
Is act on what they say
And then it is that way”
When you do as “they” say, it becomes a self fulling prophesy. You trust more in what “they” want for your life more than you trust in what God will do in your life.
“Who are they?
And where are they?
And how can they possibly
Know all this?”
No one can know what you need better than you do. No one with the exception of God, but God has amazing plans for your life. If you let him direct your steps, it won’t be without sorrow or pain. No life journey is free from all of the experiences life holds, but you can learn to focus on what is most important for you.
Walk out of the door of prison. It is a prison of your own mind. Don’t do what “they say” if it isn’t the right thing for you. They do not own you. Most of the time, “they” are people who like to control you and don’t have your best interests at heart.